This week started with the feeling of bitterness on my way to the train station.
The weather seemed to reflect my momentary mood: the rain dripping down the window pane and sadness dripping down my heart.
It felt good to get out of the house so early all dressed up and pretty and full of enthusiasm on Monday morning. But through this general happiness I could hear a little thin cry…
My Artist Baby was crying: “Why can’t I be heading to the studio right now? Why can’t I be getting up early in the mornings, dress up and head to the studio, rehearsing, creating new songs, new music, sharing it with the world? Why creative process always have to be looming somewhere on the horizon while I am forever clearing the way towards it? Today I will come to TAFE and will be working on my assignment organising the recording for other Artists and secretly longing to BE The Artist.”
Hmmm… My inner Baby was throwing a tantrum again while I was trying to console her: “It’s all right. We are getting close. This week we will be applying for Bachelor of Music! Isn’t it exciting? And next February you will be studying what you truly love.”
Somehow my words made the matter worse. The baby bursted into tears screaming: “I don’t want next February. I want it NOW! A-a-a-a!”
Confused and torn apart, I reply: “Ok, ok. Calm down. We will do something about that, ok?”
I look into my calendar… Oh. It is crammed again!
“Hey. We can cancel Taekwondo this afternoon and spent an hour playing songs at home”
The baby cries even harder: “Leftovers! Leftovers! I’m sick of leftovers!”
Oh, she’s right. It will be just enough time to get into the right headspace and to prepare the creative environment, and then I’d have to stop feeling even more unsatisfied for having to leave when the Muse finally arrives.
Tuesday-Wednesday I’m in TAFE till late. Thursday is bursting at the seems. Friday I’ve got kids all day. I can try and delegate the kids’ pickup on Thursday… Think, think, think.
“How about I will give you a whole Saturday?!”
The Artist-Baby crosses her hands across the chest and replies grumpily:“Now”
“Oh, wow. Zero compromise”
I go to the teacher and ask him if I could use studio room with instruments in the afternoon after classes. I call my husband asking to pick the kids up.
My inner Artist is hungry. Really hungry today…
After the classes and a quick lunch I run to the studio, I feel the excitement growing, it carries me upstairs like a fair wind.
Finally, I am in the studio by myself. I grab the first creative task that comes to my mind. My mission to start and finish right here, today. There is no time for perfectionism. Perfectionism ruins the momentum, spoils the appetite. I can do it!
It was a great session. I recorded/edited a video for my new old song. I’ve been carrying this idea for 6 months. It’s done finally! It’s not perfect. But it’s done and it feels good!My inner Artist feels good. Until she gets hungry again…
Here’s the silly video I made: